On Brooklyn-ites, Fo' Realz

You Know Who You Aren't.

We can't help but be territorial since, after all, neighborhoods that were once forbidden to us (by parents who feared for our safeties due to tales of gang threats and drug dealers from their own Brooklyn childhoods) have become the mecca for those who relocate from far off lands including (insert pause/gasp/sigh) Manhattan. News flash to those who take pride in their relocation to a home that was once (more authentically) ours: that building (to the right, in the far distance) about which you (and your fellow transplants) associate multi-million dollar condos is where the rest of us (Brooklyn natives) have nightmarish flashbacks to night braces, retainers, and neon-colored rubber bands that made our teeth cry, in which nearly every office was once inhabited by orthodontists (any Dr. Kolin graduates out there?) and driving to Fort Greene meant missing out on afternoon fun in the 11th Street Playground (the one you hardly notice on your way to summer concerts in Prospect Park). That, too, was once ours. Oh, and BAM? A 'long distance' (subway ride - woohoo!) school trip where (occasionally) our teachers insisted we expose ourselves to African Dance and Mediocre Ballet, as long as our permission slips were signed on the dotted line. But we ain't bitter. Because who else would we meet for brunch on Sunday mornings in Red Hook or 4th Avenue bars even if, after parting ways, we return to our childhood bedrooms where our 'rents charge us a portion of what you pay and the fridge is always stocked with chocolate pudding snacks and oreos. Don't hate on us, either, since you'd do the same. And we, too, would meet you for bagels and mimosas without breathing a judgmental word. Enjoy!

N.B. Due to a minor cooking accident yesterday evening, this blog will be out of commission for the remainder of the week and will resume on Tuesday, July 6, 2010 with the usual romance, nonsense, and rants we're all familiar with. Until then, Happy 4th!

On the Little Red Cart that Could

(And the) Deceit of a Salesman.

While traveling, trustworthiness is a hard-earned commodity. To develop trust, you must skeptically feel your way through each situation as it occurs until deception (should it arise) stares you blankly in the face. And yet, it's these moments in between that you come to value the most, even if it means the sweat of your back or, in this case, a mere pocketful of change. Enjoy!

On Losing Yourself

For Better,or for Worse.

Marriage isn't for everyone, and for those who choose to embrace it and everything that (hopefully) ensues (for most recent generations, that might include graduate school debt, home ownership day dreams, and desperate pleas to mom and dad about eventual babysitting to ensure paychecks are made and groceries afforded), there is yet another side of this coin that needs to be embraced, but isn't always easy to do. Here's one woman's (familiar) struggle to maintain her identity as she prepares to combine her life with another (read Weezer bassist, an added bonus to this entertaining anecdote), in a real life portrayal of wedding planning (bliss). Enjoy!

On Anti-Sentimentalists

And Honoring Them, Sentimentally.

For the severely sentimental, saving memorabilia is a no-brainer. Whether it's a post-it with an uninspiring reminder, a lame fortune from the local Chinese take-out, or the cotton stuffing from your first teddy bear, sentimentality knows no bounds. That is, until you meet an anti-sentimentalist, whose approach to the past is as unforgiving and incoherent as the unpromising fortune. To coexist is to find meaning in the mundane while feigning indifference as you slip scraps into your back pocket, until later, when you can privately add them to your growing collection of (in)significant moments. Enjoy!

On the Way They Were

Before Us.

Our parents had lives before we were born? I think not, until the occasional glimpse into their pasts in which we are reminded that prior to our egocentric existences, parties were thrown, wars were fought, and sex, drugs, and rock n' roll filled the hours between protests and significant others. Not so different from our own lives, I'll take my glimpses with appropriate details only and a side of the best spaghetti and meatballs in the history of (my) life. Enjoy!

On Customer Relations

And the People We Love to Hate.

They are the relentless people in front of us on lines at the deli who demand justice (American Cheese) for injustice (Provolone), even though most can't taste the difference. They are the heavy sigh-ers waiting impatiently for bank tellers during lunchtime, even though it's the one hour of day in which everyone else is freed from their jobs. They are the passengers on our flights whose needs surpass all others, no matter how loudly the baby cries three rows back or how scared the 9-yr old (flying solo for the first time) actually is. They are the customers who speak louder than the rest, draw attention amidst an otherwise quiet afternoon, and make our blood pump faster than any sibling has since books were flung in the 8th grade. But they are also our source of entertainment, about whom we can rant over dinner or a glass of wine (or in an op ed article in the Times). And so, for their extra (well-fought) discount and our five wasted (not-so-hard-earned) minutes, we are most grateful. Enjoy!

On Mis-Matched Identities

And Choosing the One that Fits.

Sometimes the choice is easy, if it means not being held accountable for that once-in-a-lifetime improbability that involves irreplaceable ancient relics shattered across the floor. Other times, the choice is harder but, in the end, seems effortless. No matter what choice we make, when one door opens and another closes, it's impossible to know what could have been. While this realization doesn't necessarily make decisions any easier, it certainly sheds light on embracing the outcomes. Enjoy!

On Moving in Together

Again.

To Erik Erikson, a developmental psychologist in the 1900's best known for his Theory on Social Development, the answer would be obvious: NO WAY. But to the rest of us bystanders about whom his theory psychoanalyzed, making a decision that challenges the natural order of human development is not always as black and white as we'd like. A tough decision to make, perhaps, but Erikson would surely agree that this decision is a testament to the writer's success in stage one (in infancy, trust vs. mistrust), in which the world's predictability ensures his safety and security no matter what conclusion he comes to in the end. Enjoy!

On Electronic Adultery

The Fine Line Between Texting and Cheating.

There's nothing fine about this line and the blurriness lies in the eye of the beholder. While I'm not optimistic about the fate of this particular story-teller, we can't deny the increasing relevance of what she's sharing (with us). It's likely that the challenges of monogamy lie at the heart of these exchanges, and with or without the technological boom, the groundwork for infidelity is as clear as the backdrop on her i-phone. Enjoy!

On the Trials and Tribulations of Best Friendship

Antonym of Best: Worst.

For those rare folks who are lucky enough to have the same best friends since childhood, the rest of us are only moderately bitter. It turns out bitter might actually be better, which is good news for those of us whose childhoods are marked by devastating friendship breakups in which our ability to maintain these relationships thankfully doesn't translate into our love lives. Still, one can't deny the value of midnight barbie-sessions and shared secrets in the playground, no matter whose feelings were hurt, as long as they aren't your own. Enjoy!

On Neighborly Etiquette

Love Thy Neighbor as Thyself.

Oh, wait - nevermind. Chances are, in today's technology-reliant/driven/consumed/obsessed society, Mr. Rogers and his overly-friendly mailman, Mr. McFeely, would, no doubt, be facebook friends and twitter buddies, giving Speedy Delivery! a new (and much-improved, depending on who you ask) meaning. But we can't deny the value of face-time and all that is lost when eye contact is replaced by computer screens, and voices with computer keys. In a world characterized by the latter, we'd likely be questioning McFeely's motives based on his screen name rather than sharing in Mr. Roger's overzealous joy upon the delivery of his latest gadget, from which our understanding of all things basic-science, technology, friendship-first began. Enjoy!

On Searching for Love

In Unlikely Places.

With the exception of Trista and her beloved Coloradan fire fighter, Ryan (The Bachelorette circa 2003), finding love on reality television is an unlikely story. And while this particular tale might be no exception (you'll have to read to find out what happens), it's filled with all the quirks, disappointments, and endearment that encompass any solid recount of a recognition-worthy effort to find true love. Enjoy!

On Searching for Clues

To Our Own Pasts.

Moments in our lives are not meant to be lived with the awareness that the majority of them will eventually be forgotten, and sooner than we think. (Breakfast last Tuesday? High school math teacher? Best friend's ex-boyfriend's cousin's mom?) From time to time, when we're reminded of life's transience, we might feel nostalgic and cling to the past, or baffled by how much has already happened. But those moments, too, are simply that - ephemeral points in time that will pass as quickly as they came - and then you can get back to living without realizing and remembering and be okay with that because that's how life should be. Enjoy!

On Eavesdropping in a Cafe

A Great Way to Pass the Time.

There's something undeniably satisfying about discovering personal details of complete strangers, whether it's by eavesdropping on a conversation to which you are not (technically) privy or finding an illegible letter drenched in rain on the concrete pavement, where even the handwriting has meaning. And every once in a lifetime, if you're lucky enough to come across an (unintentionally) abandoned diary, in which the puzzles of the writer's secrets and regrets are more fruitful and mysterious than the conversation overheard on the steps of the museum, the find feels like it was just as much your destiny as it was theirs. Curiosity is invoked, your imagination soars, and the stranger becomes a little less strange and a little more like someone you might want to share your own secrets with. Enjoy!

On the Soul of One City in Particular

What's Los Angeles Really All About?

The adoration felt while watching reruns of Beverly Hills 90210 elicits a similar zealousness that people typically feel for this major metropolis, only sometimes this energy comes in the form of animosity rather than devotion. But for those who aren't quite sure where they stand - to love it or just straight up hate it - the debate between the tangible curves of its oceanside canyons and the superficiality of Hollywood itself is not so black and white. Whichever side of this line you find yourself, it most definitely includes the rays of a sun no cooler than 50 degrees and the knowledge that the pace of life is a mere sliver of its New York rival, albeit in painstaking traffic on a highway in which the beauty of Malibu beaches doesn't quite seem to make it worth it. Enjoy!

On the Philosophy of Bumper Stickers

And What They Say About Us.

It's not often we get to cast judgment without repercussions. The allure of bumper sticker proclamations lies in the anonymity of saying things we normally wouldn't say (whether we agree with them or not) and in breaking social norms that would surely get us kicked out of the party/circle-o'-friends/family dinner. Not to mention, laughter during nightmarish holiday traffic jams coupled with highway comraderie are icing on the roadside cake, sans obligation to call, text, or email back. And, besides, when was the last time it was forgivable to tell your friends to Move On, I Only Looked Interested? Enjoy!

On Imperfection

And the Kindness of Strangers.

It doesn't happen often but when it does, the feeling is unbeatable. Most of us (city-folk, anyway) grew up with incessant warnings against interacting with strangers because people-with-unrecognizable-eyes-noses-ears-smiles are (obviously) all-things-evil. It's not until we're older, more informed, and self-sufficient that we realize the opposite is true, too: strangers can dumbfound us with selfless generosity that surpasses even the most heartfelt gestures of loves ones. Although these exchanges are often short-lived and far-between, the feeling (even if equally brief) is a rarity worth each split-second. Here's to losing our wallets and discovering long, lost recordings! Enjoy.

On Firsts

In Love, Life, and Remembrance.

There's a first for everything and, as life will have it, we don't always realize the importance of these moments until they pass. Whether it's a reminiscent scent, traces of a familiar face on a stranger, or an old photograph buried at the bottom of a box in the back of a closet never meant to actually be discovered, occasionally we're transported back through time to ensure we never forget. Not so ironically, as I write this, my radio's got me driving my parents' late 90's Toyota Camry during the summer before college with my favorite friends who I haven't seen in almost a decade. Enjoy!

On Speaking Out

Because You Should.

Commencement speeches are either draining or invigorating, and if you're lucky enough to catch the latter, chances are you'll walk away questioning who you are, who you're meant to be, and how can you be more like that guy. And so I present you with invigoration, from a recent graduate whose perseverance, self-reflection, and strength has allowed him to already accomplish so much, and he's only just getting started. Enjoy!

On Living in Fragments

So What?

The psychology behind words is yet another glimpse into understanding human interaction. So if you're one of those people to whom this new verbal tic applies, here's some insight into what your intentions might really be. In a world where break-ups happen over text and proclamations over g-chat, and g-chat has become both a noun and verb and, in some cases, a lifestyle, this article so doesn't surprise me. Enjoy!

On the Six Unturned Pages

Sans Authenticity or Inscription.

No matter how much lighter my morning commute promises to become (with Infinite Jest on deck), replacing a book with an i-pad seems criminal. For all the reasons mentioned here, I add yet one more: the inscription. The romance of the inscription, which compliments the book's narrative with the pureness of penmanship and the potency of its content, is an irreplaceable delicacy. Still don't agree? Check out the photo to your right and let the inscription-force be with you. (PunTotallyIntended). Enjoy!

On Different Ways to Say Goodbye

Ci vediamo. (We’ll see each other.)

Saying goodbye comes in lots of different shapes and sizes. First, there are the romantic goodbyes, which range from dramatic and heartfelt to simple and unexpected, within which you have (though are not limited to) angry endings, happy endings, planned endings, and tearful endings. Then there are the departure goodbyes, in which those involved are off to separate destinations, whether it's back to their ordinary lives or an unknown world/relationship/job/idea somewhere far off. My least favorite goodbye is the most final one, during which we are forced to confront a permanent absence which never seems to make complete sense and is seemingly impossible to come to terms with yet simultaneously makes us aware and appreciative of the people with whom goodbyes are not imminent. The list goes on and the commonality between all of these semi-nostalgic moments remains, to me, prescient. I am reminded of Dr. Seuss (who always seems to say it best): "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Enjoy.