On A Common Mistake

Similar Yet Distinct.

Confusing the art with the artist resulted in three hand-written fan letters by yours truly prior to starting this blog last April, circa 1985 and 2003, and one additional (hand-written) letter since (August 2010, Bill Murray). In these rare moments of (hand-written) adulation, I described in great detail how each artist's existence changed my life, even though it was the content of their art - and not the artist him/herself - that did the seemingly profound alteration. In spite of this common mistake, the majority of them, in return, wrote back, further strengthening my initial praise while simultaneously blurring the lines between these similar yet distinct entities. (Post-Scriptum: Bill Murray, please write back soon.) Enjoy!

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On Advice from a 40-Something Twitterer

Dear Sugar:

Pearls of wisdom dispensed by our parents / grandparents / oldersiblings / teachers / favoritetelevisionstars / newspaperads / quotemagnets / daydreams / (un)warrantedpsychics -- regarding life's (un)answerable questions about the who / what / where / when / why of our past / present / future -- make these daunting what if's seem that much more approachable. We ignore the hindsight-being-20/20 factor and convince ourselves that this glorified insight is the key to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happy marriage, eternal wealth, and immortality, until we realize that the majority of answers lie here, there, and everywhere and, actually, their advice should actually be taken with a grain of sugar. Enjoy!

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On Knowing When to Say Yes

Biological Prioritization.

For most women I know (and some men), the days, hours, and minutes since our 28th birthdays (a few too many years ago) seem largely characterized by a combination of increased infatuation and repulsion towards all humans smaller than ten pounds and younger than six months. The clock - of which we had little awareness of prior to this unanticipated shift in biological prioritization - has decided to rear its (hour & minute) hands where careers, graduate educations, and world travels already exist, with little room for third-party-college-debt and first word/step/tooth/date documentation. (And yet.) Enjoy!

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On Avoiding Arguments

Advice from a Pro.

Some things are better left unsaid, until they come back to haunt you in your daydreams / nightdreams / cloudformations / cerealboxmazes, as your resentments create anti-rose-colored-glasses over your ability to see perspectives other than your own. And yet this alternative can be significantly more appealing than the succession of raisedvoices / regretfulaccusations / unwarrantedtears / selfactualizations that typically accompany honest con-(frontations)-versations, during which we're forced to uncomfortably squirm in our ski boots or keds until the wave of resolution sweeps over. Enjoy!

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On the King's Speech

Wordless Communication.

We take for granted our full capacity to exist in a world that often requires the ability to step lightly around cracks (agility), articulate our emotions (language), marvel at brightly-colored autumn transitions (perception), inhale aromas of early-morning ecstasy (coffee) and optimistic April showers (sense of smell), and appreciate the embrace of our velvety fleece slippers around our solid frozen toes (touch). Until we're unexpectedly stripped of our life-long routines and, consequently, forced to rely on the compassion and commitment inspired by the one capacity that trumps all others - companionship (affection). And in these humble moments, our previous expectations are replaced by renewed appreciation for the fragility of humanity, and so we step a little lighter and inhale a little longer to make sure we didn't miss anything we might have overlooked when we used to take life for granted. Enjoy!

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On Going Out of Town

This blog will resume on Tuesday, February 22, 2011. Happy President's Day!

On Valentine's Day Wisdom

Strategizing Gone Right.

One of the best Valentine's Days I ever had was in 2009 with my single girlfriends, drinking wine and eating cheese and exchanging relationship war stories out of respect for the holiday we were obliged to talk trash about. A lifetime of festivities involving roses, candlelight, and hand-written love letters ahead, I realized (in that moment) the rarety of our unique friendships meant to (successfully) soften the blows of shared frustrations and disappointments associated with unrequited attempts to find romance. Happy Valentine's Day to all!

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On Hommage to Snail Mail

The Post Office Contradiction.

When my parents purchased our country house in 1988, the location was hardly much to write home about (pun intended). Tucked away on a hidden mountain in Nowhere, New York, discovered only by word of mouth (in our case, a long-time neighbor who vacationed there each summer), the coinciding town (where, presumably, we'd pick up last minute groceries or refill on firewood) was depressed and uninhabited. The empty hair salon on Main Street was identifiable solely by the loose leaf sign carelessly taped to the dusty storefront window pane. The deli on the corner, with promises of high grade steaks and prime meats for barbecue, was perpetually closed-until-further-notice. The coffee shop we came to associate with the last sign of (modest) civilization before dirt roads prevailed was filled with abandoned tables and a chain-smoking waitress who wore hair nets and a constant frown. And the post office, from which we retrieved hand-written correspondence from my siblings in summer camp, consisted of brass-colored mailboxes reminiscent of telegrams transported by the Pony Express. Enjoy!

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On Your Facebook Relationship Status

It's Complicated.

Single? In a Relationship? No Longer In a Relationship? Leave it to facebook to share the good, the bad, and the ugly with everyone you know (and don't know), but find solace in the fact that you've graduated to the most interesting news feed of that particular day. Facebook statuses are akin to breaking news alerts scrolling across the screen of our lives, as they quickly invade the email, gchat, and facebook exchanges that signify internet gossip while your life simultaneously unfolds before everyone else's eyes. Enjoy!

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On (Overflowing) Baggage

The Bottomless Pit.

My personal experience with purses (& murses) and handbags (& manbags) is one familiar to most over-indulgent women and men alike: the larger the bag, the longer the list of cantlivewithouts. Lip protection expands to include an assortment of unnecessary flavors, sunglasses seem relevant on cloudy afternoons, tissues transform from nuisance to necessity (runny nose, emergency napkin, smudged makeup, scrap paper), and entertainment options multiply by the minute (book, magazine, ipod, kindle). Enjoy!

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On Reading Between the Lines

Judging a Book By Its Cover.

As we peruse the participant profiles of the various social networks meant to make the world feel more accessible (facebook / myspace / linkedin / okcupid), we inevitably form biased judgments about the tv / music / literature / career / graduate / marital endeavors too-cautiously and methodically presented, all of which launch our tangential minds down the fictional paths their lives might have lead if we'd gotten to their page three years earlier. Depending on the site (match.com) or moment (desperation), our imaginations insert our own slender (engaged) palms into their own, as Bob Dylan (favorite music) plays in the background of The Wire Season 3 Finale (favorite television show) shortly before curling up on the couch to re-enact loves scenes from Romeo & Juliet (favorite book). Enjoy!

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On Cussing in Public

@#U*(#^*()@

Tucked under the covers of my bright red, over-sized, L.L.Bean sleeping bag in the heart of the Catskill Mountains (sleep away camp, circa 1990), my ten-year-old camper-self (and fellow pre-teen cabin-mates) clung to every word of the heartthrob counselor who had generously arrived to tuck us into bed that night (a prize secured at a previous camp carnival). We were instructed by our own counselor to keep our questions to a ten-minute minimum, an ample time-frame for our list of pre-determined inquiries (as follows, in order or least importance): favorite color, favorite camper, favorite female camper, least attractive about a woman. Twenty years later, the details of his answers remain a blur of giggles and flirtation, except for the last, in which Nameless Hot Counselor presented us with romantic wisdom a few syllables short of the meaning of life: Least attractive quality? Cursing. As we contemplated its implications in our own lives, we simultaneously soaked up our new golden rule that would dictate the majority of our dating personalities well beyond the 1990's. I knew in that moment that I was exceedingly up for the task - cursing, while exhilaratingly naughty to a newly double-digit adolescent, had become - in that single moment - a thing of my past. Enjoy!

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On Your So-Called Life

BFFAE.

Having recently reconnected with several girlfriends from my pre-teenage years, I am reminded of the unparalleled bonds uniquely formed between adolescent girlfriends, marked by summer camp care packages inscribed with hearts, tampons, and vows of eternal companionship (BFFAE), and celebratory birthday slumber parties during which at least one slumberer inevitably headed home early in tears. Today, our rejuvenated 30-something girlfests are, in contrast, dry-eyed and wine-ridden, but with echoes of relationships past in which m&m's are masked behind culinary accomplishments (homemade dark chocolate fudge) and forgotten memories are exchanged via email (lol). Enjoy!

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On Montezuma's Revenge

AKA TD.

My first international trip in almost ten years, Costa Rica had me at pura vida! Until, that is, the vacation landed both myself and my travel partner sick in bed, moaning our way through 24-hour sweats (100 + degrees and no AC) and bowlfuls of (plain) pasta to comfort our sore, homesick stomachs. And while we agreed to keep mum about our aches and pains upon sharing the details of our much-anticipated venture with friends and family, it is precisely these moments upon which we look back with overwhelming fondness and sentimentality. Enjoy!

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On the Bald and the Beautiful

Embracing the Inevitable.

While women fuss over the minute details of their aging bodies as soon as their first few wrinkles take hold, men have a much bigger - and more obvious - fish to fry: losing their hair. And unless your one of the (very) lucky (very) few men whose thick mop (literally) hangs around well into your sixties (ahem, dad-who-doesn't-read-this-blog), it's a milestone worth embracing in exchange for a whole lot less heartache and self-pity. For us women will unconditionally embrace you no matter what you look like, with our sagging triceps, under-sized jeans, and worthless concealers, myself (a severe-anti-bald-convert) included. Enjoy!

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On What If's

Plagued by Uncertainty.

Every choice we make leads us in the opposite direction of the path-not-taken, the details of which we can only hypothesize. And yet the lure of the alternate life-that-almost-was is, at times, enough to keep one outstretched leg at its entrance, in anticipation of what might have been or still can be. The unknown is ever-present at the expense of the actual-present, where life is typically unromantic and commonplace but, if indulged, equally unpredictable and gratifying. Enjoy!

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