Friday, December 31, 2010

On New Year's Resolutions


To Floss or Not to Floss.

With less than twenty-four hours left to come up with an alternative resolution to my usual unfulfilled promise to floss, my finally-healthy-gums are far from a product of annual self-reflection. After (at least) ten years of pretending this year would be different, flossing snuck quietly into my life sometime between June and November, without a foreshadowing sign of my December 31st impasse. And so here I am, debating the more abstract and seemingly harder alternatives - to be more patient, less sensitive, more confident - while not-so-secretly wishing my gums bled at the slightest prick. Happy new year to and yours; may you have better luck than I ... with flossing, that is. Enjoy!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

On 2010 Coffee Talk


The article is your legend.

He was still in the closet? (#5.)
People found her charming? (#12.)
Hail to James Franco. (#23.)
C'mon, Jake. (#29.)
What time do they open? (#31.)
Kate's pretty. (#41.)
Oy. (#48.)
(Eyes rolling.) (#50.)
Pre-hab; ha! (#51.)
I wanna read that. And then watch that. Not in that Order. (#57)
(On Being Unrelated)-blog-worthy news? (#61.)
How about just Sandra Bullock? (#62, #63.)
(Eyes rolling, again.) (#67.)
I noticed! (that one time...) (#68.)
(Sadness.) (#71.)
wtf, CU? (#75.)
He was hot. (#83.)
I stopped being surprised at #75, although, even so, this one's a bit surprising. (#92.)
I love bacon. (#95.)
Was she ever? (#98.)
They forgot 111. Jeff Bridges. (pfffft.)

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

On Male Bonding


Via the Men-Only Book Club.

Men enjoy reading books, too, and talking about relationships, and maybe watching porn, or throwing back some beers, and watching reruns of footballs-greatest-moments, and so what took so long for the men-only book club to make the women's formality look like a replacement for the junior high school senior thesis, marked by rigid, required reading assignments and relentless peer pressure to contribute a literary analysis deemed worthy by half a glass of red or white bubbly and a low-fat appetizer? A lover of literary fiction and an ex-English major myself, I've yet to find a book club that satiates my initial desire to join - books, relationships, Dawson's-Creek's-greatest-moments - but I feel a renewed sense of hope that my fellow members will find me years before the baby talk and diaper delirium take hold. (Any Dawson/Eggers fans out there? Men and women both welcome.) Enjoy!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

On the Check Divide


If You Can't Beam 'Em ...

Depending on which non-profit or financial firm provides your hard-earned paycheck, the pain associated with the arrival of the communal check can be daunting. The clear division between the have's and the have-not's is as glaring as the equal shares being overly-evenly distributed amongst the penny-conscious water-drinkers and the rose-colored wine connoisseurs, a habit the rest of us never bothered to perfect. My advice? Join em, and spend the rest of your week enjoying bagged lunches reminiscent of childhood peanut-butter-and-ritz-crackers and fruit punch juice boxes fit best for someone saving the world, one weak paycheck at a time. Enjoy!

Monday, December 27, 2010

On Universal Currency


Les Enfants.

Whether parenthood comes naturally more for some than for others, the learning curve is (likely) inevitable. Decisions for two are replaced by consideration for the unfamiliar needs of a third. Questions are asked, grandparents are called upon, and lessons are gained from the myriad of unavoidable mistakes. And then, years later, the second, third, and fourth children benefit from the gained confidence, as rules are ignored, mistakes go undetected, and curfews are extended to never. Enjoy!

Friday, December 24, 2010

On the One and Only Santa(land)


For the Believers and Non-Believers Alike.

As a child who got down with Hanukkah, Passover, and a handful of high holy holidays, I channeled my Christmas-envy into an annual arts-and-crafts session during which carefully constructed construction paper knockoffs were applauded by my 'rents, who agreed to fully anticipate Santa Claus's refusal to ignore all well-behaved children, regardless of religion. And so, following a potentially traumatic visit to Santaland (in Kings Plaza, no less - read the article!), where my painfully-not-shy mother insisted I (painfully shyly) whisper to Santa what I wanted for Christmas - (Space Barbie, oh please lord) - I was speechless when I ripped open my beloved new doll on December 25th, alongside a brightly-colored, hand-written note that awfully resembled the usual adoring-sweet-nothings from the tooth fairy about what smart, kind, funny, beautiful children we were. To this day, I still thank the makers of Santaland (Thank You, Macys) for connecting me to the powers-that-be that allowed me to add Space Barbie to my impressive collection of dolls. Enjoy!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

On a Lil' Lesson From Pooh


Just in Time for the Holidays.

"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you." - Winnie the Pooh

Even if tales of Winnie the Pooh didn't rock you to sleep during your pre-adolescent bedtime ritual, most folks are familiar with Pooh's endless wisdom about friendship, understanding, and sugar addictions to honey. An irrefutably cuddly mammal, even the solitudinarians and the grumps cannot completely turn a blind eye on an update about Pooh's whereabouts. Enjoy!

(Photo Credit: The Donnell Library Center’s collection of Winnie-the-Pooh dolls, including the original that once belonged to Christopher Robin Milne, son of author A. A. Milne.)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

On the Day After the Shortest Day of the Year


Goodbye Winter, Hello Spring?

While it's not quite time to rip out the bikinis and dust off the frisbees, the shortest day of the year is now behind us - (for those who slept through it, you have the earth's axial tilt of 23° 26' to thank) - and before New Years Eve, the hours in the day will increase in length by 28 seconds. Which simply means it's time to make plans with the people we see only twice per year (why not shorten their two-day allotment?), plan resolutions we'll never keep (just recycle last year's?), and guiltlessly funnel eggnog down our throats while the gyms are temporarily closed (how often does that happen?). Enjoy!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

On the Grinch in Real Life


Holiday Cheer, Sneer, or Revere?

The holiday spirit means different strokes to different folks, from the scrooges who dread the setup/cleanup/cost of their Christmastree/Hanukkahbush to the wanna-be-elves who've carved their initials in hand-picked perfection during a weekend road trip to the Adirondacks (in September!). Whether you sneer or cheer the neighbors who decorate both the inside and outside of their humble abodes, the palpable warmth of sharing, caring, and all the other things you learned in kindergarten is undeniable. Enjoy!

Monday, December 20, 2010

On Believing in Miracles


True Story.

Aside from my annual prayers to wish away nausea during flu season, I consider myself a hard-science kind of gal, swayed solely by facts and evidence as concrete as the ground beneath us.

Except for this one time.

In January 2001, four days into my semester abroad in Europe, I met my soul-mate friend, a half-joking nickname we quickly attached to our friendship based on our immediate marathon hang-out sessions, our uncanny ability to finish each other's sentences, and our instant connection stronger than any felt prior. A few months later, during a usual afternoon of coffee and cigarettes, my soul-mate friend's face went blank, as if she's seen a (hypothetical) ghost. Once she snapped out of her trance-like state, she explained that six months prior to coming to Europe, she spoke with a reputable psychic over the telephone, a birthday gift from her sister which cost over one-hundred dollars. My soul-mate friend's own skepticism aside, the psychic initially impressed her with accurate details about the room from which my soul-mate friend was calling, and so she listened with only moderate apprehension. The vast majority of their conversation was eventually forgotten, or never remembered in the first place, until our afternoon together that day. All of a sudden, she recalled one of the psychic's premonitions: within the next few years, she would meet a woman named Carly or Carla, with whom she would have an undeniable connection routed in their relationship from a previous life, multiple centuries prior. Carly - or Carla - was once my soul-mate friend's maid, a confidant in an otherwise miserable existence, who provided comfort and companionship where sadness and loneliness triumphed. And so there we were, non-believers of anything unprovable, speechless over the possibility of the impossible, fumbling to light an afternoon worth of cigarettes that would inevitably follow.

Friday, December 17, 2010

On Baby Bingers


Banned from the Bar.

A lover of babies, there are few moments I compare the gnawing baby cry to the fingernail-chalkboard paradox, and bar-time is one of them. Get a sitter - (ask me!) - or grandparent, or rent a movie, but be cognizant of the limited years the rest of us have until we're in your shoes, and let us have our beers in peace. We don't blame you, and some of us want to be you, but until we are, we deserve uninterrupted dating war stories over cheap alcohol so we can commiserate with friends about the life we fear we won't have but inevitably will, especially if we don't have babies interfering with the one-in-a-million chance Mr/s. Right is in the bar commiserating, too, or playing video games, more likely. Enjoy!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

On Dinner Table Taboos


Google or Giggle?

A conservative dinner patron at heart - Cell Phone? Locked Away! Television?? Off!! Eye Contact??? Guaranteed!!! - I'll advocate to my death for the tools of the trade necessary for expanding the vast knowledge inside our human brains, at any moment possible no matter whose expense or feelings are on the line. And so, if the devil-machine-internet-phone-relationship-killer is needed for just that, bring on the disruptive abyss of brain power known as 'google search' and know that the consequences are multiple-fold and, if nothing else, you'll learn something new (depending on your choice and quantity of beverage, of course). Enjoy!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

On Contagious Empathy


The Yawn.

(Some) research suggests that yawning demonstrates empathy, accounting for its post-childhood contagiousness, only after which we've developed the ability to relate to other people's feelings. And, if that's the case, imagine all the sharing and compassion being exchanged by perfect strangers / frenemies / and unlikely friends, on the crowded streets of (new york) cities, on subway cars and platforms, on planes / trains / and automobiles, while standing on lines, while raising our hands, while debating between paper or plastic in the aisles of supermarkets / drugstores / recycling bins. Moments of frustration and impatience are interrupted by commiserating gestures of unacknowledged kindness, as the yawning bystander maintains the chain of understanding without a single ounce of awareness. Enjoy!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

On Planet Laptopistan


(also known as) The Coffee Shop.

Gone are the days when cafes provided refuge from everyday responsibility in exchange for competitive chess games, weekend gossip, obnoxious children, and not-so-obvious people-watching. Today, leisurely coffee refills are replaced by constant tapping of fingertips atop delicate keys as both eyes remain glued to the latest blog/paper/email/report. While perhaps lacking the romance of, say, the incessant reworking of a hand-writtem heart-felt love letter or, better yet, shameless reruns of MSCL as graduate school papers prevail unwritten, the world is being changed one convert at a time, as these blogs inspire volunteerism, these papers expose truths, these emails forge partnerships, and these reports explore the unknown. Enjoy!

Monday, December 13, 2010

On High (In)fidelity


Once a Cheater...Always?

To anyone who has ever been on either side of the cheating coin, it's a regretfully dark place where mistakes can't be undone and the damage irreparable. The lens through which the permanently altered relationship is viewed is varnished with distrust, paranoia, shame, and heartache. Empty promises and necessary accusations replace the rose-colored routine of life before as ex-lovers struggle to recognize who they've both become. Enjoy!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Dear (Metropolitan) Diary:



Sincerely, Carly Einstein

Excited about my new commitment to incorporate two pieces of fruit into my daily routine, I was unaware of the widening rip in the bottom of my paper bag as I eagerly walked to work one recent morning. The next thing I knew, there went my apple and plum, in opposite directions, rolling across the puddle-ridden pavement, dampened from the early-morning drizzle. Before I had time to fully grasp the magnitude of my situation, following closely behind were two scrambling strangers, eager to break the fall of my highly cherished fruit, with the valiance of determined princes but the success of the ill-fated beast. One of the men slipped backwards, the apple merely centimeters from his grasp, as bystanders watched with disbelief at the ensuing debacle of New York City's generosity at its best. Eventually he resurfaced, (muddied) apple in hand and, no doubt, a bruised back and humbled ego. As I turned to express my gratitude and concern, both heroes were already gone, riding off into the dust of the rest of their urban day. Enjoy!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

On Crossing Swords with the Cros(sword)


The Pleasures of Pain.

Solving puzzles takes a certain degree of patience and stamina, not to mention an intimate relationship with pain - the kind that provokes interminable headaches and ostracizes anyone who attempts to interrupt. And once you establish a rapport with your puzzle of preference - be it the Sunday morning NY Times crossword ritual or sudoku showdown that differentiates men from boys - there's no turning back. And then there's everyone else, whose competitive streak and determination to find the right number/word/combination is channeled into calmer virtues, like music/literature/dexter/strollsalongbeaches, to which the rest of us will gladly join once we're done with our puzzles. Until then, ringer off, door closed, pencil sharpened; let the pains begin. Enjoy!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

On Driving Drunk


After a Dinner Party with Grandma.

Our innate sense of invincibility is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, we'd likely drive ourselves to insanity if we realized the paper thin fragility of our existence. On the other, we risk being lured by regretful opportunities in which the consequences are hidden behind a mask of seduction. We've all been there - blinded by the triumph of shotgun pride, too elated by the small victories in life to notice the skewed senses of our vehicle's driver, whose alcohol content - or whatever - doesn't elicit memories of tragic after schools specials about other people's accidents. (Enjoy.)

Monday, December 6, 2010

On Divorcing Divorce



By Staying Married.

Until now, given a combination of my current age and undying commitment to this blog about slicesofotherpeople'slives (which requires a devoted weekly reading of the NY Times Modern Love Column, articles that typically cite the 101 ways marriages succeed, fail or both -- and often not necessarily in that order), I never realized how arduously my own parents (must) have worked over the last forty years (photo-to the right-credit: Einstein Wedding, 1-30-1971) to become poster-children for the Secret Life of Married Adults. And while their tools and tricks of the happilymarriedtrade are different (my mother will argue that turning a blind eye goes a long way, while my father - the Buddhist - chants for patience and good health), the results are almost exactly the same: a life partner whose companionship compares to no else's, except, perhaps, their three perfect children. (Happy Early Anniversary!) Enjoy.

Friday, December 3, 2010

On the Human Subject


Experimenting Gone Right-Side-Up and Wrong-Side-Down.

The experiments taught in Social Psych 101 leave imprints on our minds about the fine line between knowing who we are and being our own best stranger. Predictable morals are overshadowed by unpredictable human tendencies that we're both intrigued and disgusted by...simultaneously.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

On My Things, Your Things And ...


Our Things.

When you share a life with someone - a friend/sibling/lover/ex-lover - your relationship encompasses not only your feelings towards each other but also the exchange of interests, obsessions, dislikes, and curiosities. Their musicals become your musicals, their favorite dessert - yours, and song lyrics are eventually reminisced with the familiarity of lifelong companions who've never not known each other. And when opposing tastes are exchanged with uneasy apprehension, even those moments can be traced back to their nostalgic origin - on the street corner where you realized tofu cream cheese pales in comparison, at the concert in Central Park during which you cringed at the cacophonous musicians, in the local bookstore after The Cherry Orchard when you swore off Russian literature forever - when those things, too, became yours. Enjoy!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

On Holiday Disasters



A Week to Recount.

Only two full days and a few hours after Thanksgiving break has ended, most of us can recount the details of our co-workers festivities, which range from grandiose feasts with friends, family, and neighbors, to ritualistic wars over decade-old squabbles. It's the topic around which water coolers revolve, time passes in deteriorating elevators, and monotonous daily exchanges to which we've grown wearily accustomed to are broken. Sadly, or not-so-sadly, I don't have much to contribute this year except to say my own family holiday was surprisingly calmer than years past, filled with laughter, family photos, and way too much whipped cream that - Yes, Mom - I take full responsibility for throwing in the garbage. For that, I am most thankful. Enjoy!

Monday, November 29, 2010

On Beating a Dead Horse


When There's Nothing Else To Do.

Stuck in a hole of self-pity and defeat, it can take the most unusual trigger to pull us back to the livelihood of our daily routine. And when that moment finally appears, we have the opportunity to incorporate our self-discovery into the person we're becoming on the other side of the funky threshold, be it a newfound passion for horses or a sudden onset for all-things-Kanye. The important things is we've come out on top, as we always do, only this time with an extra sway or swagger to our previously monotonous step. Enjoy!

On Things That Don't Changed


Until They Do.

If and when we choose a life partner, the reminders of life's messiness to come - responsibility, compromise, aging - remain on the peripheral of the heart palpitations ignited by hand-holding, comfort solicited by overarching promises, and fantasies about unborn children. Everything else - the stuff that supposedly tears apart both individuals and 50% of marriages in the United States - is too incomprehensible to face at a time when we're still naively invincible. To make this choice is to assume we are part of the 50% who will defy the odds, to continue to make vows of eternal sincerity well after the wrinkles have spread beyond our laugh lines, and to know without knowing that we have what it takes to courageously embrace in sickness and in health, etc etc etc. Until we're proven wrong, we should dance like nobody's watching and love like we'll never be hurt. Enjoy!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

On Being Thankful


For Beautiful Things.

Thanksgiving is the perfect opportunity to stop in the tracks of our busy lives and take notice of the world happening around us. Too often, we get caught up in the infinite lists of things to get done / people to see / jobs to complete / children to care for that we forget to laugh / reflect / breathe / listen. And yet, here we are, one month before we make empty vows, year after year, to pay attention to the lives passing us by, with a weekend specifically devoted to recalling our thankfulness for friends, family, turkeys and tofurkys because even we deserve a forced moment to listen to the music we never hear, admire the photos we never saw, and reunite with old friends whose facebook statuses we no longer admire. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours; see you next week. Enjoy!

(PHOTO - THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE 1940)

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

On November 22nd, 1963


Forty-Seven Years and One Day Later.

Forty seven years ago today, people around the world woke up to the sad realization that yesterday's events were not, in fact, just a bad dream. The recollection of the details of one's whereabouts when President John F. Kennedy was shot is as vivid as those of 9/11 by generations not yet born (in 1963). For me, on September 11th, the only creative writing professor I ever had, a sixty-something, eccentric artist whose life experiences both preceded and included the unique events of the 1960's, tearfully confessed to pitying my classmates, at 8:30 that morning, for the unavoidably fearful lives we and our children were bound to lead. Her words felt cruel and unfair, though perhaps quite accurately informed by other great American losses that leave indelible scars on the hearts of the world's hopeful participants, like the one that happened forty-seven years and one day ago. (Enjoy.)

Monday, November 22, 2010

On the Pros and Cons of Singledom


Every Rose Has Its (Prickly) Thorn.

Being single, no doubt, has its ups: unshared google calendars that don't require consistent updating, Sunday afternoon solo rituals uninterrupted by pre-planned 'together' time, always anticipating the last remnants of cleanclothes/ shampoo/ chocolatepudding/ dvrspace, and unpredictable flirtations with open-ended possibilities (weddings/ familyvacations/ onenightstands/ freeconcertticketsandcompliments). Until the moments in which the cons take over: unending leaks in the kitchen ceiling, other people's relationship statuses, fevers without chicken soup and sympathy, and endless invitations to mistletoe-infested holiday parties. But whether your glass is half empty or full, color-coding google calendars is a great distraction from facebook statuses that deserve screwyou's instead of congrats, and drinking (free) alcohol at parties will likely to induce good-enough-sweet-nothings from Mr./Ms.-You'll-Do-For-Now under the sparking, plastic hemi-parasitic plant designated to making out for single folks and couples alike. Enjoy!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

On Overcoming Demons


Past, Present, and Future.

No matter how hard we try to escape the past, our decisions are inescapably haunted by remnants of childhood woes, whether we're repeating unwanted history or dictating an unrecognizable path towards a life we've never known. Marriages are solidified by fearful victims of divorce, children are avoided by post-traumatic-childhood sufferers, and careers are pursued with scrutinizing apprehension. Enjoy!

on poems for daylight savings


you wrote it, i edited.

walking to the car
my mom was watching me go
i turned around and yelled

hows our neighbor doing?

the old man who stands outside in his front yard always talking and chatting

my whole life, he's there
telling us when there's parking, etc
and he was recently
sick

she yelled back, he died two days ago
i yelled back really? that's terrible.
and she agreed
but we were far away

in the dark

a few steps later
there was a box of romance novels
i yelled back about them
to her
but she'd seen them
gone thru them earlier
i got in the car
and drove home

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

On Finding Our Passion


Now and Later, or Maybe Never.

For those who knew they wanted to be a doctor/lawyer/nycfirefighter (which, btw, requires you apply before age 27) when they grew up, the rest of us are dying to know their secret. Decisions are hard enough without flashes (before our unfocused eyes) of unfulfilled careers reminding us that, perhaps, we'll never come to our own aha! moment and, besides, we prefer to take pleasure in simple things like walks through the local park on Saturdays after another disappointing work week, long dinners with friends where we commiserate over the latest facebook scandal, and the resurfacing of Kevin Arnold on The Hub. Or so we tell ourselves, at the not-so-off chance that lights don't appear at the end of our tunnels and taking one-day/career/adventure-at-a-time remains the eternal lens through which we lead our lives. Enjoy!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

On The Things They Carried


Back to their Homes.

Knowing how to support a loved one through a traumatic, isolating experience of which we have minimal understanding is a challenge unto itself. We can grasp clues from movies and novels, self-help books, and support groups, but each person's relationship bears its own tacit consequences which surface at unexpected moments. And so it goes in relationships, regardless of its shape and size, when support supercedes sickness and (in) health, sibling rivalry and rights of passage, breakups and makeups, losses and recognitions, lessons we hate to love to learn, and everything in between. How lucky we are to experience life in these ways, even when we're sure we're out of luck forever. Enjoy!

Monday, November 15, 2010

On Last Chances


And Making the Most of Them, No Matter.

We've only one life to right our wrongs, find the ups amidst the downs, seek optimism where unfairness reigns, and maintain confidence in the face of uncertainly. But sometimes wanting something so badly, regardless of our willingness to sacrifice our pets/children/pacman-atari-game, does not a just world make, and we're forced to accept that life-saving moments of closure are simply cognitive tools to help us cope with the harsh realities of our one and only chance to live it up. C'est la vie. Enjoy!

Friday, November 12, 2010

On True Winners


And the Value of Being the Best.

What's the point of playing if you can't win the game? Ask my family and they'll overwhelm you with stories of childhood tantrums and sore-loser-syndrome from yours truly. I never understood why everyone's-a-winner caught on as well as it did, except, perhaps, to appease the losers. Yes, I said it: The Losers. Enjoy!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

On Judgmental Adults


Growing Out of Innocence.

Bullying children can be chalked up to peer pressure, troubles at home, or age-defined naivety, and (hopefully) cured with an after school special on how to treat thy neighbor. But when acting like an adult lies at the route of the problem - insecure role models who never abandoned the judgmental name-calling for unconditional acceptance and love - the balance between sticks and stones and words-that-will-never-hurt-(me and you and everyone we know) becomes more equal than seems fair. Enjoy! (POST SCRIPTUM - GREAT FILM.)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

On XOXO, Peace, Love, and Later Tater!


Finding the Perfect Way to Say Goodbye.

The electronic mail that flies back and forth between friends / co-workers / ex-lovers / siblings / strangers to break up the work day / finalize decisions / share ideas / make accusations has become second nature to most of us with desk jobs and portable, hand-held computer-phones. We skim their content, miss key points, ignore spelling errors, and multi-task responses until the moment we're stopped dead in our tracks. The inappropriate attachment is mistakenly sent in haste to our boss. 'Reply to all' magically appears without permission. And LOVE pops up in the signature, unannounced. The insignificant parting words between pen pals all of a sudden means everything, exacerbated by the emotional-less computer screen that allows our imaginations to wander, prescribing unrequited affection / defiance / declaration / passive-aggression to otherwise mundane farewell remarks: LOVE insinuates in love, BEST feels curt, XOXO is practically a grope fest, and SINCERELY is anything but sincere. Enjoy!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

On Our Endless Imaginations


And Its Limitless Possibilities.

In spite of the timeless warnings about judging books by their covers, our uniquely human, innate ability to devise extra/ordinary explanations about other people's lives is what makes our existence that much more exciting. The 50-something, handsome executive with red roses in hand on his way to apologize for unkind words / forgotten birthdays / mis-prioritized weekend plans. The tearful teenager just abandoned by her first love. The weary patrons in hospital scrubs who undoubtedly spend hours holding hands of patients whose mothers / neighbors / best friends are called into work unexpectedly but promise to return before visiting hours end. The young child silently sucking his thumb while inquisitively taking in his surroundings falls asleep each night to the echoes of bedtime stories about cowboys and unicorns, alternately shared by his parents who never fight. The hunched old man whose fractured steps would falter without the assistance of his intricately-carved, wooden cane - a gift from his WWII comrade - consumed by memories of his boyhood in Colorado where he skipped rocks, climbed trees, and obediently tended to family chores. And that thin, tall, shaggy-haired friend-of-a-friend, the perfect father to my unborn children evident in his posture which intimates 400-page historic novels read by firelight and daydreams, identical to my own, about slumber parties under star-filled country skies. Oh, imagination, how dull the world would be without you. Enjoy!

Monday, November 8, 2010

On Pervasive Sibling Rivalry


Cereal Box Wars, And Then Some.

Family relationships are complicated, no doubt, but the simplicity of sibling quarrels is tragically reliable. Blood relatives without the necessity of (n)everlasting vows cemented by rusty-safety-pin-induced pin pricks and unrequited declarations of eternal friendship, siblings promise lifetime companionship til death do you part, an unlimited supply of jealous jabs, and un/constructive criticism drenched in deep-rooted resentment and undeniable love that knows no bounds. Enjoy!

Friday, November 5, 2010

On Why Exercise Doesn't Suck So Much


Because It Saves Your Life.

I joined the YMCA in 2005 for one whole year and went zero times. I agree - money well spent. And the lesson I've learned since then is to keep searching until you find the exercise that suits you. For me, six years, several wasted gym memberships and an overpriced personal trainer later, I've finally found kickboxing. But sometimes, even I need to kick my own butt to walk the forty minutes or take the two trains to the class (yes, that's how much I love it) because, even when going to the gym feels like a ton of crumbling bricks on my shoulders, I'm reminded of its health benefits and the long, vibrant years ahead. So do yourself a favor and follow life's grand ol' rule for pretty much everything worth fighting for: keep searching until you fall completely in love, knowing that for every bad day, there are five great ones to follow. Enjoy!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

On the Electronic Photobooth


Better than a Mirror, Sadder than a Polaroid.

Or maybe not. Pictures once worth a thousand words might actually be reduced to only a few these days. Without camouflaging our imperfections, presenting who we really are in the cyber world (or otherwise) is actually quite refreshing. Until, of course, ten photos become ten thousand, and so on, but perhaps it's but a small price to pay for vulnerability. Enjoy!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

On Hanging Up the Landline, Forever


Brrring, Brrring, Brrring....

A familiar yet antiquated sound that brings us back to the long hours of incessant catchup with friends who we'd just spent the morning, afternoon, and night with, phone chord twirled around our pointer fingers until their tips turned purple as gossip about love letters and bus rides were dissected into the night. Gone are the days when screaming battles were lost to the household bill-payers who disconnected the telephone after 9pm, and lists lopsided with pros demonstrating why phone lines should be installed in the bedrooms of everyone under five feet were ignored. Family meals went uninterrupted and the unexpected surprise of call-waiting made the dash for the phone receiver (to click to the other call) a marathon worth acknowledging. Enjoy!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

On Ranting and Raving


And a Whole Lot O'Guilt.

I'm a door-stander and I ain't proud. Ever since I read this rant ten short days ago, I've been overcome with guilt. Twenty-three rides later (twice/day to and from work, one day of overtime I probably deserved, and a one-way visit to the 'rents), I've perfected the head-hanging door-lean, filled with more shame and humiliation than the time I crashed into our family aquarium in 1992 (RIP Timothy the Fish). And you probably wonder why I don't change my hypocritical ways, a question I often as myself, too. The truth is I also refuse to park patiently in line to exit the FDR, feel disdain towards trick-or-treaters who ignorantly interrupt the best parts of Grey's Anatomy, and laugh at the worst kind of inappropriate jokes. And, yet, for every innocent bystander scolded at work for being late on account of my poor subway manners, or candy-less Power Ranger waiting patiently at my doorstep, I'll never fail to illuminate the MTA subway map for an out-of-towner, toss change in the direction of a pathetic attempt to replicate the Beatles, and semi-regretfully pass up a lucky penny in hopes that the next person who finds it needs the luck more than I. In life, we do what we can't until we don't, and that's just the way it goes. Enjoy!

Monday, November 1, 2010

On (Other People's) Happy Endings


Short and Sweet.

Grasping the magnitude of a single moment in time is often reserved for hindsight and all its 20/20 glory. We live in the moment, embody the mundane details, and, in an unanticipated aha moment (!), months or years down the line, recall the intimacy and importance of experiences that have transformed into scraps of memories. Hence, nostalgia is born and life is lived and lessons are learned as fluidly as new ones continue to form. Enjoy!

Friday, October 29, 2010

On Being Unfriended


The Pangs of Relationships Past.

The friendship, on facebook, ends as quickly as it begins: With the Click of a Button. And the debate that takes place over whether to extend your index finger the tenth of a millimeter it takes to shut the permanent e-door in the face of your long lost JHSboyfriend / neighbor / girlyousatnexttoduringdaycampcolorwars can vary from sleepless agony over whether you'll be found out that day or that decade to no thought whatsoever. Four months ago, during an impromptu need for privacy, I defriended over three hundred people (leaving me with three hundred nearest and dearest) and, since then, at least fifty have come crawling back, likely in the form of never having realized we were once bonded by the intimacy of the internet and that I actually took the time to sever our tie. But my need for privacy has passed, and so I accept each new fruitful friendship that has since come my way, and share with the world the blog I present you today. What I wanna know is why, with my new-and-improved, generous RE-friendship attitude, they can't take the time to 'like' what I've written? Because, let's face it, that's why we're all here, anyway. (Well, that and the first batch of baby photos.) Enjoy!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

On Sisterly Love


The Pros of (Ya-Ya) Sisterhood.

Some folks would argue that men and women come from completely different planets - specifically, Mars and Venus - and that it's their alien roots which dictate the unique strength of sisterhood over brotherhood. But what about the men who openly embrace their emotional attachments to this daytime character or that cuddly paw print? These are the same men who willingly forfeit an afternoon of football for a rainy-day marathon of My So-Called Life and excitedly pick out celebratory cards to match the bows on their holiday gifts. (Well, okay, maybe not bows, per se.) Still, the bonds between sisters might simply reflect the emotional development of those individuals involved, and it'd be remiss to exclude the equally mature, articulate, and thoughtful men who share in the glory of a good shop or an emotional youtube clip of a favorite past time. Enjoy!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

On Questions We Stopped Asking


Curiosity Killed by the Cat.

Albert Einstein wisely said, The important thing is not to stop questioning, yet we stop anyway, as we grow older, more tired, comfortable-with-what-we-already-know, preoccupied with anti-wonderment. And the loss is precarious because the universe's answers are infinite, there is always more to learn, we are responsible for invoking possibility in our children's children's children, and we owe it to ourselves. It's not hard, I'll show you:

Why do elephants have big ears?
Why do we stop absorbing calcium?
Why do babies smell like babies?
What don't I love olives anymore?
Where do rainbows come from?
Is Gordon from Sesame Street still alive?
Why are people addicted to Jersey Shore?
Why does paper turn yellow with age?
Do cats understand know their own names?
Why are some people scared of the dark but not others?

Your turn.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

On What Comes Naturally


Maternal Instinct.

We grow up with clues about our maternal tendencies and conclude that we either have 'em or we don't. For some, wiping the drooling chin of our best friend's baby is second nature, and chances are likely that we were the toddlers who spent the majority of our childhood fine-tuning these skills on our Baby Talk doll, personally delivered by Santa's elves after the 'rents said no way. Others ward off heart palpitations when asked to hold the neighbor's newborn during unexpected milk-runs, and dread the day when their own neighbors are nowhere in sight. Whether we've had baby names picked out since our sixth grade home-ec(onomics) class or cringe at the thought of changing diapers for fear their tiny legs will shatter into pieces, rumors conclude the instinct comes as naturally as the indescribable and uninhibited love we feel (instantaneously). Enjoy!

Monday, October 25, 2010

On Making Impossible Decisions


Without Confidence and Clarity.

While working at a homeless shelter throughout the majority of my twenties, I jumped on one client's bandwagon (due largely to my own naivety and desire to 'do good') as soon as she mumbled the first word in a longer sentence about leaving her abusive husband. Had I waited to hear what she actually had to say, I might not have solicited donations in the form of gift cards to southern mini-malls (where I was sure she'd relocate) and old suitcases my friends considered storage space. Too quickly I convinced at least thirty generous strangers that she was eager and ready to make this impossible decision, and almost as fast as I prepared her (and her two children) to start anew over five states away, I was returning cartoon band aides and Walmart credit cards with my head hanging low and an overwhelming sense of defeat. Impossible decisions like these, though perhaps start with the helping hand of an over-eager twenty-something, require so much more than a bus ticket and a first aid kit. (Enjoy.)

Friday, October 22, 2010

On a Corner to (Re)member


Atlantic Ave & Clinton St, 1990.

Constantly bombarded by stimuli on a daily basis, our brains are forced to decipher what's worth noticing and, alternately, discarding. And while we typically live in the egocentric existence of our psyche's filter, from time to time we're afforded the opportunity to reassess our trash in light of another man's treasure. It is during these experiences when the our pace of life falters to the speed of a more appreciative drum and we're able to look around for missed moments and second chances. Enjoy!

(Note: Article is Excerpt from This Short Story.)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

On Miserable Meetings



How Not To Pull Your Hair Out.

Unfortunately, there's no simple solution to the meetings that make you want to meet your death instead of your next assignment. At my previous job (one of my favorites to date) Wednesday was my least favorite day of the week in spite of its glorious and much-anticipated hump. During the F-O-U-R hour meetings in which less than thirty minutes of material was covered (at best), I learned more about how to deal with misbehaving daughters (no kids here!) and which local eateries serve the best burgers in Chinatown (salads preferred but thanks anyway!) than what I needed to know for my programs. Years later, when my last day on the job arrived, it happened to fall on a Wednesday afternoon, and so, lucky for me, I had four hours to sum up four years of hard work with less than fourteen people, which meant there were forty minutes left to say goodbye to the meetings I'd never miss. Enjoy!