On Hurtful Decisions

Knee-Deep Impact.

We can't please everyone, or so the saying goes, and the decisions we make throughout our lives will impact people in moderately different ways.  And so we do our best to weigh the positives with the negatives, analyze the consequences of our fruitful endeavors, knowing-and hopefully never forgetting-that the world will keep spinning in spite of highly scrutinized choices, and our loved ones (etc) will almost always bounce back.  Enjoy!  

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On Sophomore Year

Confident & (In)secure.

Strutting into familiar classrooms with the confidence of a second-year and the sass of one who knows things, aged by experience of being the New Kid on the Block through trials and tribulations, luck and disgrace, the envy of upper-class-men slightly subsides.  Neither a leader nor a follower, this in-between place embodies solace in acquaintance without the fear and awareness of what lies ahead...just around the crooked corner.  Enjoy!

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On Being Grumpy

Too Many Layers.


This morning on my drive to work, I became increasingly aware of how peaceful Colorado can be at times, particularly in comparison to that anonymous city on the east coast I so often miss. At least for now, gone are (my) days of cramming onto a packed subway car, morning after night after morning, bundled in too many layers for the size of the crowds and irregularity of the NYC Transit ventilation system. Dodging grumpy looks from uncomfortable Manhattan patrons, desperately hoping to strategically snag the next available seat (yeah right!), the commute never seemed short enough and spring so far away. And yet, in spite of this morning's 20-minutes of (sub)urban scenery, fresh coffee, and mediocre tunes, I found myself simultaneously nostalgic for the space I didn't have then and grateful for the space I have now. Enjoy!

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On Haunted Houses

Boo!

This past weekend, over wine and girl talk with my lady friends, we brainstormed ways to scare the daylights out of our respective partners in an R(+) rated, adults-only haunted house.  Google is an ingenious weapon, with recipes for dismembered hands, rotting brains, and regurgitated eyeballs.  The lady friends claimed their husbands wouldn't wince at the chance but with blindfolds on and the mood just right, I'm confident the evening would end in tears.  Enjoy!

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On Baby-mania

Crafts Galore!

As far as I'm concerned, the influx of children 12 months and younger is just another excuse to shop for adult things in miniature sizes.  Polka dotted onesies, multi-colored knit caps, and tasteful bedroom mobiles are just the tip of the iceberg, as tiny hands and toes are protected by pastel blankets and farm animal sheets that really should come large enough for queen-sized mattresses.  Enjoy!  

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On a Happy Brain

Ancestry 101.

There is a motif, in fiction and in life, of people having wonderful things happen to them, but still ending up unhappy. We can adapt to anything, it seems—you can get your dream job, marry a wonderful human, finally get 1 million dollars or Twitter followers—eventually we acclimate and find new things to complain about.

If you want to look at it on a micro level, take an average day. You go to work; make some money; eat some food; interact with friends, family or co-workers; go home; and watch some TV. Nothing particularly bad happens, but you still can’t shake a feeling of stress, or worry, or inadequacy, or loneliness...

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On a Bag of Doritos

 
Crunch.

The night of our wedding, we threw an after party in our 1200 sq ft Denver apartment with fifty of our nearest and dearest from all over the country.  The dining room table was covered with high school party throwbacks - popcorn, potato chips, doritos, and coca cola - as fellow guests reminisced the good ol' days when counting calories and thinking about good health was far from our minds.  And so it goes with getting older, the salty goodness of our youth showing up far and few between but always a reminder of the time when doritos were a regular after school snack.  Enjoy!

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On Reminiscent Smells

For Me? Drakkar.

While I haven't smelled this scent in years, I imagined I'd be immediately transported back to 1993,  standing on a street corner during lunch time with my 7th (and 8th) grade boyfriend, who much preferred spending his one free hour of the day playing video games in the local pizza shop than staring into my hazel-ish, blue-ish pre-teen eyes.  Or maybe to the 8th grade dance, when we slow danced to Creep by Radiohead that he specifically requested (for me!), as the rest of the middle-schoolers cleared the floor and I - awkward and embarrassed but also secretly thrilled - clutched his scrawny shoulders, one foot apart, but still able to inhale the abundance of Drakkar.  Enjoy!

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On Selfie-Indulgance

Self-Shot.

We turn, adjust, and capture; thousands of selfies exchanged on a daily basis via text, facebook post, and email.  We no longer exist without the need to capture then share, to heighten our own awareness of how we look, feel, and interact at almost any moment of any day.  Being means over-analyzing means living in the moment while knowing we're in the moment rather than just actually experiencing and living life as we once knew it.  Enjoy!

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On a "Work Thing"

Due to a work thing on Friday (aka a conference), this blog will resume on Monday, October 21st.  Happy weekend!

On Television Brain

Enough is Enough

...is Enough?  In the aftermath of the Breaking Bad series finale (and my own personal consequential television binge), I've had conversations with mutual fans, who are less than two weeks behind my own overwhelming immersion and bulldozing through the last fifteen (or so) episodes, wondering how they're gonna sleep at night.  The reality is that BB isn't like any other series.  Tony Soprano (four seasons in one summer!) didn't show up in my REM sleep, face covered in the blood, the way Jesse Pinkman did just to ask if I wanted a cup of coffee.  While a girl can only dream, Coach Taylor (Friday Night Lights) greeted me on the football field and nowhere else. Even Jack Bauer (24 - remember that show?) stayed put where he was meant to, always on the run in the same out-of-breath sequence but never gasping for words off-screen in unexpected places (though, I have to confess, I found my own self breathing a bit heavier during that binge).  BB is a different beast, but a welcomed one that's literally impossible to turn away from.  Enjoy!

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On Vintage Memories

Our Time Will Come...

...when we, too, are vintage, and our children's children's children look at wilting photographs of selfies takes with our old-school gadgets (the iphone), our knee-high leather boots matched with gigantic feather earrings, our J.Crew baby clothes (severely overpriced but equally irresistable), and our stylish, multi-colored jeggings.  We, too, will age past our prime, reflect on the good ol' days, and pass sleepless nights watching reruns of that show with the Italian Guy (The Sopranos) while eating multi-grain popcorn like we did in the olden days (the 2000s).  Enjoy! 

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On Mismatched Romance

Opposite Alignment.

We meet, we romance, we fall in love, but the key to a successful relationship is whether the myriad of factors, from religion to recycling, actually align.  And so we navigate the early waters, weighing this pro with that con, wanting - and, at times, needing - to know how our fairytale will turn out, as our patience grows in multiple directions and our heart wants what the heart wants.  Enjoy!

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On(line) Privacy

Shared Experiences.

We received our first glimpse of wedding photographs this past Friday (via our photographer's blog), the day before our annual celebration of being engaged for 365 full days (if married/engaged days are allowed to overlap?), and the first place I almost went was facebook.  But then flashes of intimate moments on display for the whole world to see (my world, anyway) transformed the 80-something private gathering into an internet spectacle, and I immediately decided against it.  While part of me (of course) wants to share our marital joy and visual documentation with all of you who visit this blog semi-regularly, tolerate my occasional fb television quips (by the way, "Masters of Sex" on Showtime is totally awesome), and actually consider cooking my rare but relevant (boastful) recipes - not to mention, I do love me some wedding photography perusals - I also realized that somewhere between our actual lives and the ones we put forth on the internet, there must be some boundaries.  Enjoy!

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On Animal Lovers

Much Love to Give.

I'm a dog and cat lover at heart and, really, love and cherish anything cuddly and sweet (babies included!). But my inherited animal allergies dictate the minimal distance from which I must maintain a seemingly unfair relationship to all things ridiculously cute. And so, as friends and colleagues and sidewalk strangers show off their furry friends with pride and adoration, I admire from the sidelines, debating over whether a single exchange is worth the potential hours of itchy, burning, teary eyes and (at times) inconsolable congestion, the majority of which I usually answer yes.  Enjoy!

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On Actually Answering

Ring, ring, ring...

Living across the country from two-thirds of my family and friends, actual phone time spent physically speaking with by means of exchanging spoken words followed by actively listening and then conjuring up a response with underused vocal chords, is next to null.  Even my own mother (are you reading this, mom?!) has gotten in the habit of (get this) one word - and sometimes one-letter! - texts rather than actually dialing.  And yet there are the few and far between calls that, when they actually make it from New York to Colorado, I don't hesitate to pick up -- my parents, for one; my twenty-something brother (via the modern-day facetime technology); and the long-distance best friends who have since become favorite pen pals and occasional phone-chat buddies.  Enjoy! 

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On Hate-Reading

We All Do It.

“I don’t know why it infuriates me. She’ll often describe, say, how her favorite ice cream flavor makes her happy all day. I feel like she’s lying. I get upset watching people post pictures of a rainbow that says ‘I believe in magic’ — upset that they’re projecting that image and thinking others are falling for it, or that they’re falling for it themselves. Maybe I’m just jealous.” -excerpt from attached article

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On Phone Silence

48-Hours & Counting.

Forty-eight hours ago (and counting), I've gone ahead and committed myself to trading in my nagging cell phone for a chapter or two (or three) of an actual novel on an evening basis.  It happened when a package from my mother arrived - an old, antiquated copy of How Green Is My Valley - with mint green pages and a post-it attached exclaiming,  "this was first 'adult' novel and I still remember it," a gesture encouraging me to find my own next great read as I file through one disappointing book after another (The Paris Wife - don't bother).  So that very night I hopped into bed in spite of my usual fall television commitments finally filling my DVR cue (The New Girl, Grey's, Nashville, Homeland, and so on) and found myself not necessarily captivated but easily engaged by Huw Morgan and the details of his vast, loving, Welsh family, a rare but welcomed quiet moment amidst a daily routine of unrelenting noise.  Enjoy!

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On a Clean Kitchen

Two Tabletops.

I fall into the camp of folks who crave neatness, spending free time cleaning up after anyone who passes through, straightening bookshelves and pantry clutter, and finding solace in stacked canned goods of vegetables and pre-made soups.  But a clean kitchen (and such) isn't always reasonable to come by, and sharing a home, a life, and a future with another human being, who may or may not demand the same degree of neat-freakish-ness that my own neurosis dictates, requires patience and flexibility, and a blind eye to piles of magazines, folded laundry, and groceries alike.  Enjoy!  

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On Parenting Styles

And So It Begins.

Not a mom yet over here but definitely privy to friends and family having kiddos of their own and, as such, acutely aware that this is yet another industry (tacked onto career decisions, wedding planning, if and when and where to settle down) in which everyone and their mothers (pun intended!) have an opinion that they absolutely must, must share.  Be it facebook walls, (new) dinner conversation, or walks in the park, weighing pros and cons, morals and values over infants who don't even have vocal chords yet is in constant and ever-present motion.  Enjoy!

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On Frost Valley Road

Anticipation & Fear.

The sign for Big Indian on Route 28 signaled that in less than forty-five minutes my latest summer destiny was ready to begin. And during these minutes, minds race with familiarity trying to connect each waterfall, ditch, mph warning sign with memories from the summers before, until the first glimpse of The Castle (then the Barn) (then the totem pole) (then the Welcome Sign) (then the Admin Office) meant Get Ready; the Ride is Over, and yet it had really just begun. Greeted by strange faces who, in less than three months, would become familiar friends and, perhaps, summer flings never to be forgotten, the drive to summer camp on Frost Valley Road was always filled with anticipation and fear, curiosity and apprehension, joy, relief, and excitement. Enjoy!   

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On a Good Book

Still Searching.

Dreams, books, are each a world; and books, we know,
Are a substantial world, both pure and good:
Round these, with tendrils strong as flesh and blood,
Our pastime and our happiness will grow. — William Wordsworth

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On Healthy Living

Growing Stronger.

One week into the latest (very competitive) office exercise competition, my motivation to log 60 minutes each day (7 days a week) for the next two months far exceeds the highly anticipated prize, a mini ipad.  I'm in my thirties now, married, and my back hurts when I sit at a desk, and my ankles hurt after a medium-sized run, and I have a companion I want to see through retirement trips, grand children's birthdays, and picking out hand-carved, multi-colored, matching canes when the time is right.  Yes, the ipad would be nice, of course, and I intend fight to the bitter flat-screened end (aka Thanksgiving) but the stakes of optimal living, of taking care of our health as age and time attempt to defeat us, makes the minutes and days and weeks a secondary consideration given how much reward there is to be gained.  Enjoy!

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