Friday, December 31, 2010

On New Year's Resolutions


To Floss or Not to Floss.

With less than twenty-four hours left to come up with an alternative resolution to my usual unfulfilled promise to floss, my finally-healthy-gums are far from a product of annual self-reflection. After (at least) ten years of pretending this year would be different, flossing snuck quietly into my life sometime between June and November, without a foreshadowing sign of my December 31st impasse. And so here I am, debating the more abstract and seemingly harder alternatives - to be more patient, less sensitive, more confident - while not-so-secretly wishing my gums bled at the slightest prick. Happy new year to and yours; may you have better luck than I ... with flossing, that is. Enjoy!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

On 2010 Coffee Talk


The article is your legend.

He was still in the closet? (#5.)
People found her charming? (#12.)
Hail to James Franco. (#23.)
C'mon, Jake. (#29.)
What time do they open? (#31.)
Kate's pretty. (#41.)
Oy. (#48.)
(Eyes rolling.) (#50.)
Pre-hab; ha! (#51.)
I wanna read that. And then watch that. Not in that Order. (#57)
(On Being Unrelated)-blog-worthy news? (#61.)
How about just Sandra Bullock? (#62, #63.)
(Eyes rolling, again.) (#67.)
I noticed! (that one time...) (#68.)
(Sadness.) (#71.)
wtf, CU? (#75.)
He was hot. (#83.)
I stopped being surprised at #75, although, even so, this one's a bit surprising. (#92.)
I love bacon. (#95.)
Was she ever? (#98.)
They forgot 111. Jeff Bridges. (pfffft.)

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

On Male Bonding


Via the Men-Only Book Club.

Men enjoy reading books, too, and talking about relationships, and maybe watching porn, or throwing back some beers, and watching reruns of footballs-greatest-moments, and so what took so long for the men-only book club to make the women's formality look like a replacement for the junior high school senior thesis, marked by rigid, required reading assignments and relentless peer pressure to contribute a literary analysis deemed worthy by half a glass of red or white bubbly and a low-fat appetizer? A lover of literary fiction and an ex-English major myself, I've yet to find a book club that satiates my initial desire to join - books, relationships, Dawson's-Creek's-greatest-moments - but I feel a renewed sense of hope that my fellow members will find me years before the baby talk and diaper delirium take hold. (Any Dawson/Eggers fans out there? Men and women both welcome.) Enjoy!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

On the Check Divide


If You Can't Beam 'Em ...

Depending on which non-profit or financial firm provides your hard-earned paycheck, the pain associated with the arrival of the communal check can be daunting. The clear division between the have's and the have-not's is as glaring as the equal shares being overly-evenly distributed amongst the penny-conscious water-drinkers and the rose-colored wine connoisseurs, a habit the rest of us never bothered to perfect. My advice? Join em, and spend the rest of your week enjoying bagged lunches reminiscent of childhood peanut-butter-and-ritz-crackers and fruit punch juice boxes fit best for someone saving the world, one weak paycheck at a time. Enjoy!

Monday, December 27, 2010

On Universal Currency


Les Enfants.

Whether parenthood comes naturally more for some than for others, the learning curve is (likely) inevitable. Decisions for two are replaced by consideration for the unfamiliar needs of a third. Questions are asked, grandparents are called upon, and lessons are gained from the myriad of unavoidable mistakes. And then, years later, the second, third, and fourth children benefit from the gained confidence, as rules are ignored, mistakes go undetected, and curfews are extended to never. Enjoy!

Friday, December 24, 2010

On the One and Only Santa(land)


For the Believers and Non-Believers Alike.

As a child who got down with Hanukkah, Passover, and a handful of high holy holidays, I channeled my Christmas-envy into an annual arts-and-crafts session during which carefully constructed construction paper knockoffs were applauded by my 'rents, who agreed to fully anticipate Santa Claus's refusal to ignore all well-behaved children, regardless of religion. And so, following a potentially traumatic visit to Santaland (in Kings Plaza, no less - read the article!), where my painfully-not-shy mother insisted I (painfully shyly) whisper to Santa what I wanted for Christmas - (Space Barbie, oh please lord) - I was speechless when I ripped open my beloved new doll on December 25th, alongside a brightly-colored, hand-written note that awfully resembled the usual adoring-sweet-nothings from the tooth fairy about what smart, kind, funny, beautiful children we were. To this day, I still thank the makers of Santaland (Thank You, Macys) for connecting me to the powers-that-be that allowed me to add Space Barbie to my impressive collection of dolls. Enjoy!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

On a Lil' Lesson From Pooh


Just in Time for the Holidays.

"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you." - Winnie the Pooh

Even if tales of Winnie the Pooh didn't rock you to sleep during your pre-adolescent bedtime ritual, most folks are familiar with Pooh's endless wisdom about friendship, understanding, and sugar addictions to honey. An irrefutably cuddly mammal, even the solitudinarians and the grumps cannot completely turn a blind eye on an update about Pooh's whereabouts. Enjoy!

(Photo Credit: The Donnell Library Center’s collection of Winnie-the-Pooh dolls, including the original that once belonged to Christopher Robin Milne, son of author A. A. Milne.)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

On the Day After the Shortest Day of the Year


Goodbye Winter, Hello Spring?

While it's not quite time to rip out the bikinis and dust off the frisbees, the shortest day of the year is now behind us - (for those who slept through it, you have the earth's axial tilt of 23° 26' to thank) - and before New Years Eve, the hours in the day will increase in length by 28 seconds. Which simply means it's time to make plans with the people we see only twice per year (why not shorten their two-day allotment?), plan resolutions we'll never keep (just recycle last year's?), and guiltlessly funnel eggnog down our throats while the gyms are temporarily closed (how often does that happen?). Enjoy!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

On the Grinch in Real Life


Holiday Cheer, Sneer, or Revere?

The holiday spirit means different strokes to different folks, from the scrooges who dread the setup/cleanup/cost of their Christmastree/Hanukkahbush to the wanna-be-elves who've carved their initials in hand-picked perfection during a weekend road trip to the Adirondacks (in September!). Whether you sneer or cheer the neighbors who decorate both the inside and outside of their humble abodes, the palpable warmth of sharing, caring, and all the other things you learned in kindergarten is undeniable. Enjoy!

Monday, December 20, 2010

On Believing in Miracles


True Story.

Aside from my annual prayers to wish away nausea during flu season, I consider myself a hard-science kind of gal, swayed solely by facts and evidence as concrete as the ground beneath us.

Except for this one time.

In January 2001, four days into my semester abroad in Europe, I met my soul-mate friend, a half-joking nickname we quickly attached to our friendship based on our immediate marathon hang-out sessions, our uncanny ability to finish each other's sentences, and our instant connection stronger than any felt prior. A few months later, during a usual afternoon of coffee and cigarettes, my soul-mate friend's face went blank, as if she's seen a (hypothetical) ghost. Once she snapped out of her trance-like state, she explained that six months prior to coming to Europe, she spoke with a reputable psychic over the telephone, a birthday gift from her sister which cost over one-hundred dollars. My soul-mate friend's own skepticism aside, the psychic initially impressed her with accurate details about the room from which my soul-mate friend was calling, and so she listened with only moderate apprehension. The vast majority of their conversation was eventually forgotten, or never remembered in the first place, until our afternoon together that day. All of a sudden, she recalled one of the psychic's premonitions: within the next few years, she would meet a woman named Carly or Carla, with whom she would have an undeniable connection routed in their relationship from a previous life, multiple centuries prior. Carly - or Carla - was once my soul-mate friend's maid, a confidant in an otherwise miserable existence, who provided comfort and companionship where sadness and loneliness triumphed. And so there we were, non-believers of anything unprovable, speechless over the possibility of the impossible, fumbling to light an afternoon worth of cigarettes that would inevitably follow.

Friday, December 17, 2010

On Baby Bingers


Banned from the Bar.

A lover of babies, there are few moments I compare the gnawing baby cry to the fingernail-chalkboard paradox, and bar-time is one of them. Get a sitter - (ask me!) - or grandparent, or rent a movie, but be cognizant of the limited years the rest of us have until we're in your shoes, and let us have our beers in peace. We don't blame you, and some of us want to be you, but until we are, we deserve uninterrupted dating war stories over cheap alcohol so we can commiserate with friends about the life we fear we won't have but inevitably will, especially if we don't have babies interfering with the one-in-a-million chance Mr/s. Right is in the bar commiserating, too, or playing video games, more likely. Enjoy!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

On Dinner Table Taboos


Google or Giggle?

A conservative dinner patron at heart - Cell Phone? Locked Away! Television?? Off!! Eye Contact??? Guaranteed!!! - I'll advocate to my death for the tools of the trade necessary for expanding the vast knowledge inside our human brains, at any moment possible no matter whose expense or feelings are on the line. And so, if the devil-machine-internet-phone-relationship-killer is needed for just that, bring on the disruptive abyss of brain power known as 'google search' and know that the consequences are multiple-fold and, if nothing else, you'll learn something new (depending on your choice and quantity of beverage, of course). Enjoy!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

On Contagious Empathy


The Yawn.

(Some) research suggests that yawning demonstrates empathy, accounting for its post-childhood contagiousness, only after which we've developed the ability to relate to other people's feelings. And, if that's the case, imagine all the sharing and compassion being exchanged by perfect strangers / frenemies / and unlikely friends, on the crowded streets of (new york) cities, on subway cars and platforms, on planes / trains / and automobiles, while standing on lines, while raising our hands, while debating between paper or plastic in the aisles of supermarkets / drugstores / recycling bins. Moments of frustration and impatience are interrupted by commiserating gestures of unacknowledged kindness, as the yawning bystander maintains the chain of understanding without a single ounce of awareness. Enjoy!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

On Planet Laptopistan


(also known as) The Coffee Shop.

Gone are the days when cafes provided refuge from everyday responsibility in exchange for competitive chess games, weekend gossip, obnoxious children, and not-so-obvious people-watching. Today, leisurely coffee refills are replaced by constant tapping of fingertips atop delicate keys as both eyes remain glued to the latest blog/paper/email/report. While perhaps lacking the romance of, say, the incessant reworking of a hand-writtem heart-felt love letter or, better yet, shameless reruns of MSCL as graduate school papers prevail unwritten, the world is being changed one convert at a time, as these blogs inspire volunteerism, these papers expose truths, these emails forge partnerships, and these reports explore the unknown. Enjoy!

Monday, December 13, 2010

On High (In)fidelity


Once a Cheater...Always?

To anyone who has ever been on either side of the cheating coin, it's a regretfully dark place where mistakes can't be undone and the damage irreparable. The lens through which the permanently altered relationship is viewed is varnished with distrust, paranoia, shame, and heartache. Empty promises and necessary accusations replace the rose-colored routine of life before as ex-lovers struggle to recognize who they've both become. Enjoy!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Dear (Metropolitan) Diary:



Sincerely, Carly Einstein

Excited about my new commitment to incorporate two pieces of fruit into my daily routine, I was unaware of the widening rip in the bottom of my paper bag as I eagerly walked to work one recent morning. The next thing I knew, there went my apple and plum, in opposite directions, rolling across the puddle-ridden pavement, dampened from the early-morning drizzle. Before I had time to fully grasp the magnitude of my situation, following closely behind were two scrambling strangers, eager to break the fall of my highly cherished fruit, with the valiance of determined princes but the success of the ill-fated beast. One of the men slipped backwards, the apple merely centimeters from his grasp, as bystanders watched with disbelief at the ensuing debacle of New York City's generosity at its best. Eventually he resurfaced, (muddied) apple in hand and, no doubt, a bruised back and humbled ego. As I turned to express my gratitude and concern, both heroes were already gone, riding off into the dust of the rest of their urban day. Enjoy!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

On Crossing Swords with the Cros(sword)


The Pleasures of Pain.

Solving puzzles takes a certain degree of patience and stamina, not to mention an intimate relationship with pain - the kind that provokes interminable headaches and ostracizes anyone who attempts to interrupt. And once you establish a rapport with your puzzle of preference - be it the Sunday morning NY Times crossword ritual or sudoku showdown that differentiates men from boys - there's no turning back. And then there's everyone else, whose competitive streak and determination to find the right number/word/combination is channeled into calmer virtues, like music/literature/dexter/strollsalongbeaches, to which the rest of us will gladly join once we're done with our puzzles. Until then, ringer off, door closed, pencil sharpened; let the pains begin. Enjoy!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

On Driving Drunk


After a Dinner Party with Grandma.

Our innate sense of invincibility is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, we'd likely drive ourselves to insanity if we realized the paper thin fragility of our existence. On the other, we risk being lured by regretful opportunities in which the consequences are hidden behind a mask of seduction. We've all been there - blinded by the triumph of shotgun pride, too elated by the small victories in life to notice the skewed senses of our vehicle's driver, whose alcohol content - or whatever - doesn't elicit memories of tragic after schools specials about other people's accidents. (Enjoy.)

Monday, December 6, 2010

On Divorcing Divorce



By Staying Married.

Until now, given a combination of my current age and undying commitment to this blog about slicesofotherpeople'slives (which requires a devoted weekly reading of the NY Times Modern Love Column, articles that typically cite the 101 ways marriages succeed, fail or both -- and often not necessarily in that order), I never realized how arduously my own parents (must) have worked over the last forty years (photo-to the right-credit: Einstein Wedding, 1-30-1971) to become poster-children for the Secret Life of Married Adults. And while their tools and tricks of the happilymarriedtrade are different (my mother will argue that turning a blind eye goes a long way, while my father - the Buddhist - chants for patience and good health), the results are almost exactly the same: a life partner whose companionship compares to no else's, except, perhaps, their three perfect children. (Happy Early Anniversary!) Enjoy.

Friday, December 3, 2010

On the Human Subject


Experimenting Gone Right-Side-Up and Wrong-Side-Down.

The experiments taught in Social Psych 101 leave imprints on our minds about the fine line between knowing who we are and being our own best stranger. Predictable morals are overshadowed by unpredictable human tendencies that we're both intrigued and disgusted by...simultaneously.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

On My Things, Your Things And ...


Our Things.

When you share a life with someone - a friend/sibling/lover/ex-lover - your relationship encompasses not only your feelings towards each other but also the exchange of interests, obsessions, dislikes, and curiosities. Their musicals become your musicals, their favorite dessert - yours, and song lyrics are eventually reminisced with the familiarity of lifelong companions who've never not known each other. And when opposing tastes are exchanged with uneasy apprehension, even those moments can be traced back to their nostalgic origin - on the street corner where you realized tofu cream cheese pales in comparison, at the concert in Central Park during which you cringed at the cacophonous musicians, in the local bookstore after The Cherry Orchard when you swore off Russian literature forever - when those things, too, became yours. Enjoy!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

On Holiday Disasters



A Week to Recount.

Only two full days and a few hours after Thanksgiving break has ended, most of us can recount the details of our co-workers festivities, which range from grandiose feasts with friends, family, and neighbors, to ritualistic wars over decade-old squabbles. It's the topic around which water coolers revolve, time passes in deteriorating elevators, and monotonous daily exchanges to which we've grown wearily accustomed to are broken. Sadly, or not-so-sadly, I don't have much to contribute this year except to say my own family holiday was surprisingly calmer than years past, filled with laughter, family photos, and way too much whipped cream that - Yes, Mom - I take full responsibility for throwing in the garbage. For that, I am most thankful. Enjoy!